Better Late Than Never, Right?

I meant to post this the week before last, but for certain reasons, I never seemed to get around to pressing the "publish post" button. I'll get into the reasons for that later. Anyway, I am almost two weeks late on this, but the Feel Good Friday theme over at MommyETC on July 18th was:

...post SONG LYRICS that make you happy, that teach you more about yourself...about God, that make you cry, that make you feel special...that make you "feel good".

It is hard for me to admit (reason #1 for my tardiness), but I felt a bit of tugging in my heart when I read that. No, not because I had heartburn or anything. Because I was instantly convicted (reason #2). If you read these lyrics you might understand why:

One Touch (Press) by Nicole C. Mullen

Been ostracized for 12 years

I'm used to being alone

Spent everything I had

And now it's gone

I'm used to being put down

My issues tell it all

My only hope is anchored

In this fall

Chorus

If I could just touch the hem of His garment

I know I'd be made whole

If I could just press my way through this madness

His love would heal my soul

If only one touch

So many people calling

How could He ever know

That just a brush of Him

Would stop the flow

If he knew would He rebuke me

Or shame me to the crowd

Well I'm desperate 'cause it's never or it's now

Chorus

Suddenly He turned around

He said somebody has unleashed my power

Well, Frightened and embarrassed I bowed

You see I told Him of my troubles

And how...

I had to touch the Hem of His garment

And I know I've been made whole

And how I had pressed my way through the madness

And His love has healed my soul

Then with one word

He touched the hem of my garment

And you know I've been made whole

And somehow He pressed

His way through my madness

And His love has healed my soul

I tell you He touched me

He reached way down and touched me

When no one else would touch me

Jesus, shol' 'nough He touched me...

And I know I've been made whole

This song absolutely does it for me - it sums me, and my life, up in so many ways that I get a lump in my throat and have to look in the other direction if people are around. In case you didn't know, this song is about the woman in the Bible who suffered from an "issue of blood" for about 12 years; she was an outcast in society because of this, and I imagine that she was a lonely and sad woman, too. She was desperate, probably at the end of her rope, and when she saw Jesus, she just knew that he could heal her. Her faith drove her through that crowd; and even though she knew that she wasn't supposed to touch him (the laws concerning issues of blood forbade her to) she reached for the hem of his garment. Jesus knew instantly when she made contact; he felt his power unleash and asked, "who touched me?" Although the woman was afraid, she confessed to being the one to touch him. He then turns to her - and this is what really pulls my heartstrings - and lovingly says, "Daughter, your faith has made you whole; go in peace..."

I can identify with this story. Not the issue of blood part - I have dealt with some serious medical issues over the years, but not that one in particular. What I can understand is that feeling of being an outcast, that feeling that nobody wants you - those kinds of feelings that drive you to the point of desperation, where you know that nothing can save you but the blood of Jesus. Just one touch. That's all. Just one touch to heal you, to fix the things that are wrong; one touch to let you know that there is indeed someone who loves you more than anything, and knows you as His own, even if you don't always acknowledge Him. And that word he uses: "Daughter." I don't know about you, but for me, it drives home the point that even when society was shunning this woman, Jesus was not. He acknowledged her in front of everyone in that crowd as His own - "Daughter." Okay, I can feel the lump starting to pop up again so let me take a minute....

See, I have to admit - even though I don't want to - that I haven't exactly been on my best behavior lately. Frustrations with various things, anxiety, lack of sleep, school - so many things have had me on edge lately. I can't seem to find enough time in the day to do the things I need to. I snap so easily lately...at everyone, to be honest. I find myself becoming increasingly dissatisfied, and then look for things to validate that emotion so I can wallow in my pity party. And although I try to justify it, I admit that I haven't been as active in my prayer life and one-on-one time with God lately. Ever notice that when that slacks off, everything else just seems to fall out of whack?

And therein lies my conviction. I have been that woman - the one that Jesus acknowledged and saved when she was at the end of her rope. And you would think by now, that I should be a seasoned enough Christian that I wouldn't allow myself to fall into these kinds of ruts. But I still do, and it is just the worst feeling!

Have you ever fallen into that valley before? What did it take for you to realize that you had wandered off the beaten track? What prompted you to turn around? If you want to share, feel free...and if not, no worries, just typing this has been therapeutic.

So that is where I am at right now. I am going to make the effort to carve out some much-desired time to try and re-organize and re-prioritize certain things in my life. I have a feeling it's not going to be easy...but the most important thing is that it will get me back to where I need to be. Thanks for letting me vent....it's so nice having a springboard to get all of this out of my system! Blessings....