A Venting Moment

One of the things that you have to accept when you are either

#1. In the military, or

#2. married to someone in the military,

is that it brings its own unique set of issues, conflicts, and at times, weird interactions that you try to learn to take with a grain of salt. One such issue is that unless you yourself are also a service member (and if you aren't in uniform, folks don't always know off the bat, anyway), one of the tendencies in that world is for everyone to identify you by your spouse. Essentially, it can be like having zero identity aside of your husband (or wife, in all fairness...but those are few and far between). And the kooky thing about it, is that once you start playing along - and often, you don't have a choice - you can find yourself doing it to other people! For example:

Scenario - I have met another adult female at a children's football game

Me: Hi, I'm Carmen! (I give her the "once-over" to try and determine if she looks like an enlisted or officer wife - trust me, sometimes there's a difference - and hopes she doesn't notice)

New Person: Hi, I'm (insert name here). Is one of your children playing? (after sizing me up too, she determines that I am not a threat and she scans the field as if in search of my kid)

Me: Yes, my son is playing. He is number 32. What about yours? (I purposely try to delay the inevitable question I know she wants to ask)

New Person: Oh, he is number 12. (She pauses - auugh, here it comes!) So...*what does your husband do?

*Note: This question can have several variations. I have heard everything from "what squadron does your husband belong to?" to "what rank are you guys?" to "Who do you belong to?"

Me: (Inwardly groaning) He's a loadmaster in the C-17 squadron. His name is TSgt M* (Geez, now I have to ask her what HER husband does now...it's part of the ritual) What about yours?

New Person: (proudly) Oh, he's in the same squadron! Actually, his name is MSgt So-and-so! Wait a minute, doesn't my husband supervise your husband? How funny!

Me: (Oh, great - ha, ha, ha, so funny) Yes, yes, I guess that's ironic isn't it? Well, gotta go, have a nice day! (I book it out of there like I have fire on my heels - I can tell this conversation is going to either irritate the heck out of me or end up with me saying something I will get in trouble for)

Okay, so that's just a little taste of some of the interactions that I have experienced. Trust me, that one seems minor, but there have been plenty more, some uglier than others, and some less so. But (and here comes my venting) what bothers me most about it all, is that there is this air of one-upmanship that exists in most female military spouse communities...it is part of the reason I tend to avoid those types of social settings because I simply have a problem playing along. What can I say? I DON'T ROLL LIKE THAT. I don't choose my friends, or who I will speak to, based on who their husband is or what rank they are. But unfortunately, a good number of people do operate like that, and it makes me want to scream!

Oh, what the heck, I might as well: AUUUGGGGHHHHHH! There....I feel better.

I have thought about it many times, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud of your spouse - and I am very, very proud of mine - there is something very "Stepford-ish" about some of the women I have met. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it is like there is no sense of self. Everything is about their husband's promotions, accomplishments at work, deployments, etc...some even wear their spouse's rank and authority like it is theirs! There are no introspective conversations about life, love, our dreams...or even mundane conversations, like what you bought at the store that day or fed your kids for dinner. BORING and MIND NUMBING. In all honesty, I just don't have it in me to humor folks like that most days...I enjoy having an identity all my own.

It may have taken a while, but situations like that are my timely reminder that I am so fortunate to have acquired a group of wonderful friends - great people I can rely on for just about anything - who have their feet planted firmly on the ground, as opposed to having their noses in the air!

And just so you don't think that I am not exceedingly proud of the work that Isaiah does, I will include some pics from an article in the Air Force news where he was featured on an airdrop mission. You go, boy!

Christmas, 2 Birthdays, and a Great Surprise!

I know I am behind the power curve on getting this posted, but every time I try to get on the computer, I end up doing completely unrelated things, like balancing my checkbook online. I know, I am such a barrel of excitement. : )

Christmas was pretty jolly this year - and now that I think about it, it was pretty loud, too! Anytime you cram a bunch of Colon siblings and their families under one roof, you end up with a house of rambunctious mischief and rehashing of old stories and memories. We inevitably talk, tease, cuddle, and act like your typical crew of miscreants who can think of no better way to show our love for each other - and I think it totally rocks. I meant to take a slew of photos, but was having so much fun pulling my brother's hair and teasing my nieces and nephews that I kept forgetting to actually use the darned camera. Luckily, my brother's wife Charline and my niece Iliana took enough to satisfy my quota. Here are a couple:

Jose's three kids (Joseito, Miguel, and Arianna) along with two of mine (Amir and Johnny)

Tata and I...boy, do I have a large head or what?

The next day, we packed up early in the morning and headed out to Lancaster, PA, to spend the weekend at this wonderful hotel that we have been going to for years. The Amish country is just so peaceful and family-friendly, and the kids were begging to go. We thought it would be a nice way to celebrate our respective birthdays, as well. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that my oldest son Amir and I are "December babies." If you have ever had your birthday near a significant holiday, you may share my pain on that one (LOL) - as a result I don't usually do much to celebrate my birthday, because it is somewhat redundant when everyone else is still on the holiday high. It's actually kind of ironic because when I think back to when Amir was born, I can still (vividly!) remember spending that particular birthday in labor! What a gift, right? But, I digress.

Despite the freezing cold, we had a blast shopping (well, at least Mom and Isa and I did) while the boys swam, played, and basically exhausted their grandfather running here and there and everywhere. Isa also got in on the swimming fun - thank goodness for the indoor water park - and took particular joy in kicking water all over anyone who dared to come near. Some more pics for your viewing pleasure:

Now for the best part. As you probably know, we came out here minus my husband because he was set to deploy overseas during the holidays. I have to admit, although I am used to him being here one minute and gone the next, I was missing him quite a bit. And based on how he was sounding during our telephone conversations, he apparently felt the same. He was scheduled to leave Hawaii on my birthday, so after that point we no longer chatted. The days passed on and my mother and I had just finished cooking up a storm for our family and friends who were coming over to spend New Year's Eve with us. The doorbell rang and when I opened it, there stood Isaiah! Oh, I can't tell you how excited and happy I was! I jumped around for awhile and then kind of attached myself to him while he explained how he got there. The short version of it is that his flight to his location had been delayed, and he ended up in Baltimore with a free evening on his hands. So he rented a car, drove up to NJ, and poof! Ended up on our doorstep. What a blessing that we had some extra time with him before he departed - we didn't really get to say a proper good-bye when we left Hawaii because of work and all of the rushing around prior.

New Year's Day rolled around and Isaiah had to drive back down to catch his flight - I think it was easier for me this time around, but it was much harder for him and the kids to say good-bye. One of the things about deploying is that you often have to get your mind in the right place before you leave. I know he was happy to see us, but I think having that so fresh in his memory made it a bit more difficult for him to leave without shedding a tear or two. And Isa didn't make it any better - she is quite the Daddy's girl, and I pretty much had to pry her away from him as he walked to the car. That made me tear up, and him too!

But all in all, I must say that this was a memorable holiday. I am getting ready to return to Hawaii next week, and while I will be glad to get back to some warm weather, I will miss my family terribly. I also do not relish the thought of returning to an empty house. But as one of my church friends always takes care to remind me, it isn't really empty, is it? God is always present, and that is ultimately the best kind of reassurance as I get ready to assimilate back into my typically hectic and somewhat harried schedule.

We would really appreciate any prayers you could send our way - especially for Isaiah, whose job often requires him to fly into less than ideal places. And while I am not an especially mushy person, I just have to say this one thing: I am SO thankful to have you all as my family and friends!